Frank Nwete, Is It Cerebral Palsy?

By Collins Ughalaa KSC

Out to satiate his pathological need for validation, Frank Nwete – a destitute, slovenly, rough-sleeping canine – apprenticed himself to a one-time Deputy Speaker of the House of Representatives, Mr. Emeka Ihedioha.

Without recognition of any sort, Nwete kenneled himself as German Shepherd to Emeka, barking aggressively at every figment.

These days he goes into spastic convulsions and would from time to time foam at the mouth as if to fling his body into the fire. This manifestation is symptomatic of cerebral palsy, one understands.

And since Emeka couldn’t be bothered to sponsor Nwete’s trip to the veterinary, it should be correct to claim that he echoes Emeka’s bankrupt mind.

This Tuesday, Governor Hope Uzodinma took a step to enhance urban waste management in Owerri appointing Hon. Willie Amadi of the Clean and Green fame as Chief Technical Adviser. As the news broke, Nwete choked on his bone meal and began to scratch on WhatsApp.

Nwete saw in Amadi’s appointment a handy pretext to splash mud on Governor Uzodinma just for Emeka’s sado-masochistic amusement. So he wrote that he was not impressed by Amadi’s extracurricular activities and for that reason declared the 3R Government, “collapsed”.

Apparently, in Emeka’s Sanhedrin, the Government of Imo is a monastery, only saints may be admitted. The capacity to produce results stands invalid: only ‘holy’ men may hold office, those whose garments glow in the eyes of the PDP, a party dyed in debauchery, double dealing, hypocrisy, and all kinds of perversion.

Tellingly, Nwete inadvertently exposed the cognitive dissonance within Emeka’s PDP. This party shouts that Owerri is dirty, yet calls the Governor a failure for trying to stage a cleanup. Total confusion. Or could it be that Emeka’s PDP is allergic to cleanliness? Or that Nwete’s cerebral palsy has hit party faithful at large?

If not, how come they call the Government “grounded”, yet burn the candle analysing its decisions, amazed at its progress? This kind of self deceit is unheard of.

Still, Imo must prosper. Imo must be clean again. Mr. Nwete can check in to a psych ward or visit a vet. As for Emeka, he can keep a leash on his German Shepherds if he likes, but he should not complain when vicarious liability comes knocking.